WNBAnything Rankings 2024: The Toronto Whats?
The WNBA is adding the Valkyries next year, but in 2026 we're adding a currently unnamed Toronto franchise. What are the best nickname options?
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Okay, I warned you when I started this column that not all of them were exactly going to be detailed basketball analysis. We have one new WNBA franchise on the way next year, and while some weren't too happy with the chosen name, personally I don't think Golden State Valkyries is too bad. It's female without being overly feminine; it's linked to 'Warriors' without going too far (and without using my choice of Amazons, which was never going to happen unless Jeff Bezos bought in to the ownership group); and it's weird enough to be interesting. The world doesn't need another team called the Eagles or the Tigers, even before you start worrying about copyright infringement. Also, at least it's an actual thing, with a normal pluralisation. If a player leaves and you want to talk about their history, you can say someone was once a Valkyrie. But were they once a Storm? Stormer? Stormie? Were they a Dream or a Sky or a Sun? It's awkward.
But maybe I'm giving away too many of my preferences in this area too early. We still have another team to name - the Toronto Somethings (or Something, if you're weird). Possibilities have been drawn from social media, message boards, articles and my own head. Obviously there are more options, and obviously this is a list with significant personal preference. Feel free to disagree. Just as a spoiler to get it out of the way, none of the options listed is going to be the Caitlins or the Clarks.
12 or lower. Lady Anythings or Anything-ettes
Look, I know the WNBA has attracted many new viewers this year. There are a lot of people paying attention that haven't in the past, or are at least offering their opinions even while not actually paying any attention. That doesn't mean it's time to start pandering now. They won't be calling this team the Raptorettes or the Lady Raps, and they sure as hell won't be calling them the Wraptors so that certain people don't have to suffer the pain of learning a whole new team name. Just no.
11. Toronto Traffic
I mention this purely because it was offered up so frequently by members of the public. Apparently, road congestion is really bad in Toronto, hence people feeling this would be emblematic of the city. But it would be amusing for about 30 seconds before it just becomes a terrible team name you have to live with in perpetuity. I guess there would at least be a tenuous basketball link - you often have to 'drive through traffic' or try to create 'traffic around the rim' - but that's not enough to make this a good idea. Do you really want to name the team after something that makes it hard to get to games in time for tip-off?
10. Toronto Beavers
Maybe this should've been lower. It's another one I felt had to be mentioned, but obviously can never, ever actually be considered. The beaver is a clever, relatively cute creature, and also the national animal of Canada. The Beaver Wars were fought in the area. All of that would seem to make it something you could definitely add to the list. Think of how cuddly the mascot would be. However, with any team name one has to consider the additional connotations of the terms. And especially for a women's sports team, you just can't go here. It would be a nightmare for all involved.
9. Canada Mounties
Not that I think they would ever go with something like this, but this is more emblematic of the idea that they might actively try to become "Canada's Team". In terms of where they play their games and how they sell themselves, it's a great idea. Even if another WNBA team is eventually based north of the border, it's not going to happen for a long time. So drawing fans from the entire country, selling out occasional games in Edmonton or Vancouver, putting your merchandise on every possible back - all good ideas. But going all the way with the name would feel too desperate. There may be a few fans elsewhere in Canada who refuse to support a Toronto team, but you're not going to placate them with a different name anyway. If the team's still based in Toronto and plays 90% of its home games there, a national name isn't going to change anything. As someone who grew up watching Due South, mounties are certainly something I associate with Canada and which could work as a name. But naming a team after a police force, however respected, does feel a little weird. It's the sort of thing I could imagine making a shortlist but never actually being picked.
8. Toronto Trillium(s)
We're starting to reach options that I could believe might actually happen now. The white trillium is the official flower of Ontario (the province where Toronto is situated, for those not up on their Canadian geography). There's even an Ontario Trillium Foundation. It's a pretty enough flower. It would work alliteratively and could even be shortened easily to the Trills, which might lead to some fun secondary logos and designs based on music. But it's still ultimately just a nice-looking plant. That doesn't feel like a great thing to name your sports team after. I might even favour the abstract options over types of flora (with apologies to the Maple Leafs - some flora is also iconic).
7. Toronto Sirens
There's no real connection to Toronto here, but after Valkyries it does follow a certain mythic trend and Toronto have had a team called the Argonauts for about 150 years. In fact, Jason and his Argonauts supposedly encountered the Sirens, so there is at least a tenuous connection to the city's sporting tradition. While carrying a certain negative connotation because of their dangerous temptations, Sirens would work in many of the same ways as Valkyries. Female but not distractingly feminine, powerful, and unusual. I'm also sure that their DJ would get a lot of mileage out of using sirens in the audio cues in the arena.
6. and 5. Toronto T-Rexes/Triceratops
I actually like the dinosaur theme, even if the only reason Toronto's men's team is called the Raptors is because the original Jurassic Park movie had just come out. Kids are fascinated by them, they make cool logos/mascots (which can lead to great merchandise), and they carry a level of power and wonder. The problem with these is that I don't think either works particularly well aurally. Tyrannosaurus Rexes is far too long but T-Rexes is awkward as an existing abbreviation and could be formatted too many different ways (T.Rexes? T. Rexes? TRexes? Rexes?). Is triceratops singular or plural (grammatically, apparently, it can be either)? An alternative accepted plural is triceratopses, which would be even worse. So I kind of like the idea here, but I don't think it gets over the finishing line.
4. Toronto Swift
Well if they followed the zeitgeist for the Raptors, why not go again? Officially, this works anyway. The swift is a family of birds, some of which look quite majestic in flight, and it also means speed. There are even several species of swift that breed in Canada. There's your logo, your mascot, and the flowery language for the press release talking about movement and flight. However, obviously, your secondary goal is to become the global team of choice for legions of Swifties around the world. You invite Taylor to perform at opening day, see if she wants to join the ownership group, and generally become as involved as she would like. It might just work.
3. Toronto Talons
I really quite like this. We're either back with the birds or maybe following the dinosaur theme, but it wouldn't really matter. The iconography would be the power of the claws ripping through something, with the alliteration of the t's working well with Toronto. It's somewhat abstract but without drifting into concepts or planetary systems, and graphics could once again be visually interesting if they come up with the right images.
2. Toronto Towers
I admit, I do like the names of teams to have something to do with the city they play in (at least in the beginning - franchise movement can obviously complicate matters). One of the things Toronto is famous for is its skyline and the many skyscrapers that create it, including the CN Tower, the tallest free-standing land structure outside Asia. There are also obviously basketball associations with the term due to the height of many players, and the 'twin towers' that used to be a common term for using two tall posts simultaneously. Many sports teams use their city's skyline in their logo and iconography and the Towers could easily do something similar, linking the height to the potential of its team. It's a fairly straightforward option but it would definitely work. The mascot would just have to be one of those unknown nightmare creatures that many teams create, or maybe something linked to the Toronto Zoo.
1. Toronto Pterodactyls/Pteranodons/Pterosaurs
Told you I liked the whole dinosaur theme (and yes, I know pterosaurs aren't technically dinosaurs before you jump to the comment button - it's close enough). Those of you who follow me on social media probably knew this was coming, because I've already made my preference clear. It works alliteratively, but in an unusual way due to the silent 'p'. They have the elements discussed earlier from both the dinosaur and bird options - associations of power and movement, speed and unknown strength. There's a drama to their flight, like those swooping launch videos Golden State came up with for the Valkyries, but while following the Raptors’ framework of fun-yet-scary extinct creatures that could create images that would sell even outside the WNBA world. I don't mind which variation they prefer - and for the record, I promise not to sue for any kind of rights - but this is definitely my preference. Just send me some of the merch once it's available in a year or so.
Bonus Notes:
On an entirely non-Toronto note, the final group games in this year's Commissioner's Cup are being played tonight, and we still have one finalist to be decided. I posted the scenarios over on X (formerly Twitter) when they were set after Tuesday's games, but just in case you don't follow me over there this is how it's set up: In a nutshell, if Dallas and Phoenix win tonight, the Mercury will be the West's representative in the final in New York. If anything else happens in either of those games, the Minnesota Lynx will head to New York to face the Liberty instead.
The reason for these scenarios is that if the Storm win they'd move to 4-1 alongside the Lynx. The best Phoenix could do would be to win and also go to 4-1, creating a three-way tie. However, the multi-team tiebreaker is Commissioner's Cup results between the teams that are tied, first by record (1-1-1 in this case) and then by points differential (Minnesota +18, Seattle -1, Phoenix -17). Hence why the Lynx have already won that theoretical tiebreaker and tonight's games can't change them. The only way Minnesota fall off the top of the standings is if they're left in a two-way tiebreaker with Phoenix, because they lost by a point to the Mercury last week. That's why Phoenix need Seattle to lose tonight, even before having to take care of business themselves against Las Vegas in the late game.
Hope that all made sense. I love all this tiebreak nonsense. Up until Tuesday night the five-way tie was still possible in the West, which would've been glorious.
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I’m digging the Trills
Toronto Sirens would be my vote and my kid would prob vote for a dinosaur name, Toronto Pteradons has great alliteration